Tuesday, January 13, 2015

Will 2015 be our year?

As each year ends, and a new year begins, the same thought always crosses my mind...

Will this be our year?

I have no idea if it will be or not.  All I know is it's Jan 2015... and I really hope, pray and hope some more than we can achieve some goals this year to have a family of our own.  I'm 35 years old.  I love what I do for a career, I love my husband and our life.  I feel so empty inside!

Am I going to be 40 years old, with no child of my own?  Am I ever going to hear the words "Mom, I love you"??  Some days I feel hopeful.  At the current moment, I'm discouraged.  There are no words to describe what I feel like, at 35, no children of my own.  I feel like I've failed at something.  Or is something trying to tell me I'm just not good enough to be a parent?  All too often those thoughts cruise through my mind.  They swarm around my heart, consume me... bring me down.  Destroy me.  Why me?  What have I done to deserve this battle?  Why can't we catch a break?  Am I ever going to be a Mom?

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