Empty Arms. Empty Branch. Empty Solitude.
About 90% of the time the last 2 years I've been able to keep myself together when friends and family show me adorable photos of their little ones. Let's face it, I'm overjoyed for them and their happiness and bundles of joy. On occasion though, I don't handle it so well. I look at them, their photos, and their perfect children and do the "why not me" song and dance. I know, I know. It's selfish. But I can't help it. I never want to take away from the happiness of another. But why do I not get this same joy? Why was I plagued with some life struggles that result in no children? What do I have to do to leave a legacy behind? I'm an only child. If I have no children, that's it for my family. Sure, cousins will take on the name. But my legacy stops here. no children of my own, no children of their own... no legacy. I'll be that spot on the family tree where the branch just stops.
** big sigh **
A few years back, I spent about 6 months getting really intrigued in ancestry and family trees. I signed up for an account with ancestry.com and away we went! Countless hours on the internet doing family searches. Exploring family lines. Occasionally there was a dead end branch. It was always a female. No legacy did she leave behind. No children, no continuing tree. It became the lopsided part of the tree that looked unbalanced. Empty. Soon other branches crowded around it, taking up what would have been it's space on the tree. And soon... the dead end branch, the empty branch... soon it was over shadowed by all the other branches on the tree. No longer a history to explore. It was done. The branch had dwindled to it's final growth.
Am I going to be that empty branch?
I can't be that empty branch. Please, don't make me that empty branch.
Signing out for today...
Empty Solitude.
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